Five Friday Favourites at Five

In no particular order:

• The deli server at Countdown who told me she missed seeing Monkey the past few weeks. She always comments on his manners.
• The gorgeous sunny day and a great morning spent with Coffee Group. Happy 3rd birthday Neo!
• Awesome purchase from a newly discovered treasure! - Owls & Dolls. (She delivers to NZ.)

Monkey and the Super Hero Owl (aka Julius Owl)

• Having quotes done for European Standard double glazing and not fainting when I heard the ballpark figure! 
• Having the teen next door's mum come over and apologise for his behaviour and outline their plan of action. Still no kick up the butt in his future but now it feels like she is actually involved in his life!

Social Networking, Citizenship and Friendship.

Lately it seems that all my posts come with a disclaimer, so I won't make one today even though I probably should.

I am addicted to Facebook (FB) - I love catching up with friends and family who are far away. We may also have created a private group for Coffee Group... Lovely private space to bitch about things and ask dumb questions without husbands and mother in laws *everyone* knowing. In fact I have some friends on FB that I have never actually met in person... We met on a forum and have kept up the e-friendship. I love hearing about their lives and their kids lives and one day I know we will meet up and have a great yack over coffee.

Just in case you think I am one of those weird people with 1000 friends on FB - I'm not, I have at, last count, 120. I don't see the point in keeping up with the people I sat behind in kindy... I often cull "friends" - if they aren't making any effort to connect after friending me, why should I be hearing about their holidays in Tenerife or their latest botox and butt lifts? (Some girls never change)

I am so happy to say that my current friend list has people on it who interact with me... Not daily, weekly or monthly for some, they are just there when they need to be... I am the same, I comment when moved to or if I see a link I know they'll be into, I share it with them. I would do it by phone if I was in the same country as them.

But as it did this weekend, when I posted about  receiving our letters about  our citizenship ceremony, the dangers of "keeping it short" no body language and facial expression, no tone of voice, caused me (and a friend) a lot of hurt. I made a comment which most people took the way it was intended...

I said in the comments section "I am so glad to get rid of the passport" 

Most people who were interested in my status update, took it in the way it was meant - 

  "Thank goodness I don't have to stress about not having the same passport as Monkey; no more stressing about visas, no more spending money on red tape..." 

And if they didn't they kept their thoughts to themselves and celebrated with me.

But one very dear friend made a comment via text that was hurtful (and I admit I took it badly). She is very supportive of SA and I admire her for that, and she stood up for SA and told me not to bash the country I lived in for twenty two years. There was a text argument, which lead to an email argument, tears and finally a phone call. (We are all good now.)

But I know that if we were face to face we wouldn't have had the argument in the first place. Or would we? 

As with most of my FB friends - it's been years since we saw each other. We have both grown up and experienced many things. How does friendship survive that? If you are in contact physically and verbally you are growing at the same time and experiencing each others growth, which makes it easier to live with those changes.

 

Any advice on global friendships? 

A list to end the week that was...

*insert meaningful quote* cos I am all out of inspiration (sigh)

I have writer's block and am so tired tonight that I can't really think in my usual perky way. The words, they are not coming out write :P

Hence I would like to share with you a few things I learned this week.

This week I learned

• that children die. Children who have never truly had an opportunity to live life... die. Sea's passing has left me over-cautious about Monkey. My mind is replaying what-ifs and in-cases. It's driving us insane. I recognise when I am doing it but I can't seem to stop it. 
• that genetics is one sick puppy sometimes.
• that Amazing Grace is not a good song to sing. EVER. But especially not at a child's funeral
• that social networking can really stuff up a friendship. And create new ones.
• that any talk about changing citizenship status should be approached very carefully.
• that my NZ citizenship ceremony is in a week!!
• that there are people out there who will go out of their way to make a near-strangers' day.
• that I am difficult and prone to moods.
• that I am quite passive aggressive.
• that I don't miss soft drinks.
• that I still crave bacon and chocolate (not together).
• that I can slip up with the new eating plan but I can go back to it... all is not lost.
• that exercise is fun *shhhh don't tell anyone*.
• that I haven't got infinite patience.
• that years and distance can really affect a friendship
• that I love my coffee group girls!
• that this list is too long!

Monkey is growing up

Today, it happened. I got the phone call. The dreaded, highly anticipated call. Monkey's first afternoon of Kindergarten is in two weeks. On Thursday the 27th of January at 1:15, my little baby becomes a big boy.

Don't get me wrong, I think he is more than ready for it and will thrive on the extra stimulation and being able to do carpentry and play in a sandpit whenever he wants to is what he needs.

There will be so many new opportunities for him to learn things and experience things. He will be joined by two of his friends from Coffee Group, Miss Amerikiwi and Master Neo...  They will thrive and it is the next step on for him, them.

And it is at this point that I choke up. Tears fill my eyes and I become "that" mother.

**Ramble Alert**

What if the other children are mean to him?   What if they use language that we don't approve of? What if they hurt him? What if he hurts them? What if the teachers don't foster his love of knowledge in the way I would?  What if they don't like him? What if they don't have the time to explain things to him? What if he misses me? What if he doesn't? What will I do for that two hour period of time without him? How will I know what he's up to? How will I know that he is behaving the way we expect him too? What if he learns things that we have to then unteach? What if his learning needs are not met? What if not having an afternoon nap turns him into an tantrum-prone horror? What if, what if, what if?

I have been a teacher for 10 years. I have experienced "the system", teachers and children in three countries. I have considered Montessori, Steiner, home-schooling, un-schooling and main-stream. I have made the decisions (with Stud1, obviously) and I am scared.

An easy Christmas activity

Monkey was getting a bit antsy about not being allowed out in the heat of the day today. We had done playdough, cars, dinosaurs etc when our lovely neighbour came over with a bag of old Christmas cards, she wondered if I could use them or pass them on to my old workplace.

Could I use them or what!

We made six puzzles of varying complexity from six cards specially chosen by Monkey. I cut them into four or six pieces and Monkey thinks they are wicked!

So go through your drawers and find all those cards you didn't send last year and make some puzzles.

I had a thought that if I laminate some and actually cut them straight they'd make neat pressies for his little friends.

Confession 1:

Most coffee drunk in one day: 11 cups of percolated (drip) coffee and 4 mugs of instant.

(Must have been in about 1998 as I think I was dating Stud1 at the time.)

My name is Cyndi and I am a caffeine addict....

Coffee and Post Natal Depression (PND)

When little Monkey was born he didn't know the meaning of sleep. He was alert, happy and active. He was pretty much everything a text book newborn isn't. And that is a trend that has continued through to today.  He provides me with daily challenges which is a character trait rather than a flaw. And I, now, love that about him but back in the dark days, I could barely cope.

I have many good friends but they all have their own lives and many had babies just a few months/weeks older than Monkey. Stud1 had just gotten a promotion and had to prove himself at work. All of this is/was understandable to me (even at 3am after hourly wakes and feeds from 6pm.) But understanding it didn't help what I now can see was PND. It was what I will call my twilight zone.

But I managed...

I managed to love Monkey with all my heart which is something I will be eternally grateful for.

I managed not to smother him when he woke hourly for three months.

I managed not to shake him when he woke two hourly for five months.

I manage not to drive my car under a truck the way I wanted to so that someone (anyone) would notice that I wasn't coping.

I managed to keep my marriage alive

I managed to smile

I managed to fool everyone.

People thought I was coping, they (Stud1 included) thought I was doing a great job on three hours sleep with a baby who was moving from 3 months. I drank coffee as a reward for a good night, as a way to regain some feeling of normalcy.

But I couldn't. I felt like I was stuck in a box and no-one could hear or see me. I went to my GP who said that I needed to get more sleep otherwise I would end up losing my husband (helpful advice - yes?) but couldn't help me get that sleep. I went to the local childcare nurse and she said she would refer me to a support group. A year into my twilight zone I finally got some help. Anne will always be my hero, for letting me talk about everything for hours on end and for letting me know that I was doing a good job.

But as time went on, and I still didn't feel like myself, I saw another GP and she suggested counselling. It helped and I am finally 2 and a half years into Monkey's life feeling like myself. I can honestly say that my PND hasn't had any obvious effect on him and I am thankful for that everyday!

Now how does coffee fit into this whole drama? Other than contributing to normalcy and occasionally exacerbating insomnia?

Coffee Group 

We met by going to antenatal classes together. We started meeting in the early days so that we had some where to go to see another adult and know that they had some idea of what was going on in our lives.

After a few teething problems (lol) we are now a group of seven very different mums with seven very different two year olds and few under ones, who meet weekly (sometimes more) for a chat over a beverage of choice while our hooligans run wild.

We are seven mums who are for the most part have no family nearby, one Canadian, one American, one from up North, one from down South, one from South Africa, one whose mum has sadly passed and one who is lucky to have family living locally. We have an understanding of how it is to be mums without family support and have become a very close sisterhood because of that.

We are friends now because of our babies and coffee!