Disney on Ice - Princesses and Heroes.

The look on his face says it all really. 

We were lucky enough to win tickets to see Disney on Ice at the TSB Arena on Thursday night. It was an onslaught of Disney from the get go. A merchandisers dream! Added to the flashing lights and gadgets were all the gorgeous little ones dressed up as Belle, Ariel, Cinderella and Aurora not forgetting all the princes and the odd Superman and Spiderman for good measure. 

The actual show was breathtaking. I stopped breathing a few times as the princesses were thrown sky high. Monkey was in awe at every part of the spectacle. He kept saying "Wow" and "How do they do that?". At one stage he was clinging to my arm and just pointing at the ice rink. 

It was an emotional time for me - I remember going to Disney on Ice when I was child and to be able to share it with Monkey (and M) at a time when I really can't afford to do much with him - it just made me feel so grateful and blessed. 

My favourite part had to be the dragon and Monkey's was Sebastian from Little Mermaid. 

Thank you to Kiwi Bloggers for the tickets!

When the words want out... A writer's perspective.

It pulsed beneath her fingers, she held it tighter, waiting for it to strike. Waiting for the pressure to ease and something to flow out. To flow out of her mind onto the waiting keyboard.

A living entity, given life by her imagination, a succubus of hope and fear, caught within the trappings of hardware and mental blocks.

It pressed against her temples, clenched her jaw and tightened her fingers. She sighed and began to type.

The words stammered and stumbled out into the blinding light of the monitor. They huddled anxiously, awaiting judgement. Naked to the harshest critic of all, they waited to see if they would live or die.

As they piled up, creating meaning and message, the pressure eased and the walls lowered. The words began to flow as they should, with thought and care, treading carefully into their new life, beyond the confines of her mind.

....

Tonight I write because I made a promise to write every day this month. I could write about Disney on Ice, I could write about the day I had, or about the book launch I went to tonight. I could write about the work we did at the Community House today, the way Monkey behaved himself so beautifully tonight and drew pictures for almost everyone. I could write about all these things but I'm going to say, I love you and good night!

Poetry Shrapnel

Posting a yesterday's post today as I was out last night at Disney on Ice.... Which is a blog post for today.


A little bit of a mixed bag - bits and pieces in my head that haven't found a place yet...

behind the mask, you have created

i see your strength

behind your doubts, your fears and your words

i see the person you are,

he is not whom you fear him to be

nor is he whom you believe the world sees

----

Maps, torn and tattered, thrown from a moving car / falling onto uncharted roads

---
Confetti thoughts fall, goose down-soft onto bare skin/
breaths of hope escape clenched thoughts

----

bated breath, held back, restrained and taut

waiting for nothing and everything in the moment

Midweek Ramblings... and a dream!

I have a dream. A guilty dream. I'm wondering if I should even admit it to you. To the world. But maybe I should. Just so that I know I've told someone.

My dream is simple - one week. Just one whole week, seven days, where I can be entirely selfish. Where I can think only of myself, my needs and my desires. Seven days during which I can stay in my PJs or wear my best clothes or nothing as I choose. In which I can eat when I want to, if I want to. Where I can be at the beach and not actually do anything beachy. Or go to the city and stay up late. And sleep late. And not care about the world at large.

But I've grown up with a fear of being selfish - it remains the worst insult and most hurtful thing to throw at me in an argument. It has helped me become who I am but at a cost... I am too afraid of the label to allow myself to be completely selfish. I can't, for the life of me, take an action without factoring at least two people into it... Sometimes I have to factor in more people - sometimes I have to factor in strangers. Sometimes I feel guilt for making a choice that benefits myself...

People might counter that this is my selfish place - this little bit of the interwebs... but you know what? I don't think so... I consider you before I write something... will you learn something about me? Yourself? The world? 

So I'm asking nicely - someone wave a magic wand and switch off my responsibilities and my over-active mind for a week and whisk me away to a soul renewing place... Maybe with one extra-special person as company? 

Taken for granted.

credit

I think that being taken for granted is one of the most damaging things that can happen to some one. When your efforts aren't noticed nor appreciated by the people you hold dear, it eats away at your self worth.

I try and tell people (albeit clumsily) how much I appreciate the efforts they put into our relationships but I know I miss a few things or, worse, a person to whom I should express gratitude and thankfulness.

It's something I am going to continue to work on. To never take the people in my life for granted.

#30DaysChallenge - Day 14 - Chapter 1

This is the first chapter to the 50k I wrote last year... It's still rough and not edited but I am still in love with the story and the character Lucy/Topaz. I hope that you like the introduction to her and her life.


Lucy 2001


The smell of burnt brownies filled the room. Lucy rushed to her mum’s side. She sat on the arm of the sofa, frozen, hand at her mouth. A red tea towel gripped in the other. As Lucy took the tea towel out of her mum’s hand, she watched a woman jump from the tall building, backlit with blue sky and billowing smoke. The camera panned down and as quickly it moved back up, to track another person as he stood on a ledge. The ledge was one floor above the remnants of an aeroplane that shouldn't have been in the building. She held her mother’s hand as he turned his back to the outside world and fell into the smoke and misfiled papers.


Lucy’s hand began to hurt, until the fire alarm pulled her mother back into the room. Mrs McKenzie – Lin – seemed to suddenly realise that Lucy was holding her hand. That she was watching the people jump.


“Mummy, why are they jumping?” she whispered, rubbing her hand gently.

“Lucy. My darling Lucy Goosey.” her mum seemed lost for a moment as she thought. “Lucy, they have hope.”


Lucy had never forgotten her mother’s explanation for why people jumped from the top floors of the twin towers. It hadn’t made any sense to her even at the age of eight. She had helped her mother put the burnt brownies into the sink. She’d turned the water on and the steam had risen as the baking tin creaked and cracked. After her mum had reset the fire alarm, she had sent Lucy out to play. When Lucy, James and Matty peeked into the lounge window, she saw her mum and theirs watching the movie again. In that moment Lucy saw her as both young and old. At that moment they realised that the world was bigger than their neighbourhood in London. And that from that day on, their lives would be slightly different than they would have been had the planes not flown into the tower blocks. Lucy sat with her friends on the front steps of the Victorian Terrace. They had had dinner and were now waiting for their fathers to get home. Mr Hussein would arrive first from Great Ormond Street Hospital, stop the car and scoop Matty up. James’ dad would come home from the National Library, he’d walk up from the Underground Station and hand them both a lollypop from the red caravan on the pavement. Finally Lucy would wait on her own, backlit by the outside light until her dad, Daniel, came home.


That night it was different. Their fathers came home at the same time, almost as if they had been somewhere together. There was no scooping, no lollypops, just a tension. An unspoken wariness and relief that their families were ok. Lucy followed her dad indoors and waited at the living room door as he held her mum close. He spoke only briefly of the loss of American colleagues in the Twin Towers and of the fact that this was going to lead to a war. Lucy wondered how the towers had been born together and how they had fallen together. It was a strange image and she giggled quietly as she left them to their grown up fears.

Today

Today I sold my car. On Friday my house went unconditional. For at least 4 hours I was "homeless" and "car-less" - inverted commas because, let's face it - I'm far from homeless or car-less. I have the ability to rent and maybe even buy. All I have to do is find the right home.

But for a few hours I was panicking - all the what-ifs came to play and they're relentless little shits.

Then Monkey went to bed and after his story, we chatted for a little and he said "Mummy, I love you and hope that you had a good Mother's Day. I love you and want you to be happy knowing I'm happy wherever you are." Then he kissed me on my forehead and snuggled me.

That's when I decided it will all work out. That everything has happened for a reason, like it always does. CA left me because our marriage was broken, our life together was killing us and it was the best thing to do. It worked out for the best - I am happier now than I can ever remember being. My house sold to the lady down the road because she will look after it and not sell it on for a profit. She paid us a fair price too. I will find a home for Monkey and I in the right place for us. It will happen when it happens. I just have to keep looking for it. My job at the Community House will become permanent and paid exactly when I need it to, I just have to ensure I have put in the graft to honour the role. I will get the car I need at the right price because a friend has loaned me his car while I look for my new one.

Karma is such that what you give out to the world will come back to you. If I believe that, I am sure I will be better than OK.

#30DaysChallenge - Day 12 -- Legacy

Yesterday I was in Wellington waiting on an appointment when the line "her legacy of blood and bone" crept into my mind. I've found that recently the lines will come into my mind and run around for a while before lining up and becoming something I can work with. So here's what that line became...


Legacy

Her legacy, carried close for a fleeting moment
borne into the world - in blood and bone -
to be moulded and nurtured
never handed back to her
in the same form.

Her legacy, carried close to her heart forever -
running free in the world of hope and awe,
to become what it will, as it wishes to be
a legacy of free will and choice
allowing the future to hear her voice.

Mother's Day

It's my first Mother's Day this weekend as a single mum. Monkey is with CA this weekend. I've been torn between wanting him home with me, but he's too young to buy into spoiling me and I'm not sure it's what I need the most.

If I'm entirely honest - the biggest gift he could give me is being at his dad's and I get to have a lie in and a slow morning to myself. No need to get up or watch Diego or Sesame Street. No arguments about what's for breakfast or whether or not he needs to wear matching socks.

So this Mother's Day I am celebrating it with a childless long weekend without the responsibility of being a mum... and we'll have HIS favourite food for dinner and lots of cuddles before bedtime. It's the best of both worlds.

What do you think?