Thursday, 3 January 2019

Gilded Heart

Gilded Heart

You asked me what words are burnt into my skin,

Invisible tattoos inked by cruelty, masked in kindness and love -

Of the expectations of an airbrushed compassion,

Filtered by the lens of a camera held by those who are not in my heart

By others who have never felt its beat, the strength of my hugs nor the softness of my hands as I hold truths, dreams and fears of those who have dared to open up to me,

You asked me, and they drifted to the top,

Word after word

Filled with shame, sadness, loss, guilt and

Anger

Because I cannot believe the words burnt into their beautiful skin,

Their tattoos made visible under the lights and in the soft purple pastel

Because their voices should not break,

Their hands should not shake as they hold their grief close, pulled to their chest,

Their hearts shouldn't leak silver in the flash of the camera, rolling down their cheeks onto the words no one, but they, believe are truths

But then, you asked for the words I wanted to have tattooed on my skin,

In my heart

And as I wiped my allocated three away, to be replaced by my golden truths

I felt a lightness,

As their voices changed

And their words of love flowed into their naked skin

Whispers of who they would become, echoing under the lights and caught in gold pastel,

Their fierceness shown in accepting vulnerability and love

Now

My words are chosen and I write them with care,

Neat letters on the softness of my skin,

Because my life is not less because of the expectations of airbrushed perfection,

Of the words given to me to wear like a cloak of invisibility,

To fit the smallest of boxes,

To ease the self loathing and insecurities of others,

To force me to become less, want less, and finally

My words are chosen and I wear them now close to my heart.

For I am here,

Gilded,

Authentic, beloved and free.

Written after a session with A La Mojo Studios.

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