Tuesday 20 November 2012

Just when I think I can't...

The last three days have been tough. It's hard to get excited about our trip home when most of the context and my hopes for the trip have had to change. It's not going to be a return the old stomping grounds to remind us of our youth and our wedding. It is going to be a way to reconnect with friends and family and be at the wedding of the decade. It's going to be Monkey's first visit to Nana and I can't wait for them to know each other for real.

But I am still torn.

I am still trying to clear my head.

This morning, I struggled to get out of bed. I met up with a friend for a coffee after kindy drop off and she helped me see that all is not as bad as it seems at 3am. I caught up with my neighbour who is about one month ahead of me in the separation game. I texted a friend who always makes me smile and that helped loads. But still I could feel the tears coming, the pain in my chest rising...

But tonight as I sat trying to will Monkey to sleep, so that I could somehow cobble together the end of my story for Writer's Plot, I got a text from Sophie and the Sisterhood. Could they gift me a beauty treatment before I fly out. I was so tempted to say no. As an admin, I see some of the stories of need, true, real need and I didn't want to take the funds away from them... However, since this kicked off, I have promised to be honest and to accept all offers of help and support. I said yes. And with the help of Sophie and The Sisterhood, I will be getting my first ever mani-pedi and I can't thank them enough for giving me a little something to get me through when the next wave hits.

This is also a thank you to everyone who has commented with words of support and virtual coffees and shoulders. I really appreciate you!

I'll be online sporadically while I'm away so please don't think I'm in a puddle of tears somewhere... X


  1. Travel safe! One day soon when you least expect it the sun will shine again.

  2. You're awesome, don't forget it.

  3. I am so so so glad you accepted that gift from the Sisterhood -
    You deserve it xxx
    Every woman deserves it xxx
    Take care and when your in Auckland COFFEE on me xxx

  4. Good on you for being brave enough to say yes. May it be more than a mani-pedi may it be a silent cheer from a crowd of supporters who want to make the journey easier xxx thinking of you xxx

  5. I have really only returned to my blog today after a long while away.... and I have to say I'm so saddened to hear of the time you're having. Thank you for the online blessing you are to many... and I hope you're blessed by the fact that there are a lot of us blogger friends out here who are thinking about you and hoping only good things for you...especially during this really hard time. xxxx Lots of love xxx

  6. Echoing what Neetz said.
    You have been such an amazing blessing to so many women, and they'll got your back chicky.
    Enjoy you pedi.
    You have so much love and respect from every little corner of this country from women of all walks of life and you deserve it.
    Much love xx

  7. youre going to Akl?
    safe travels
    enjoy the pampering
    praying for you

  8. This helped me through my separation and as a fellow writer I thought it might help you too. Thinking of you even though we've never met and wishing you a refreshing and healing time away.

    What the Bird Said Early In The Year – by C.S. Lewis

    I heard in Addison’s Walk a bird sing clear:
    This year the summer will come true. This year. This year.

    Winds will not strip the blossom from the apple trees
    This year nor want of rain destroy the peas.

    This year time’s nature will no more defeat you.
    Nor all the promised moments in their passing cheat you.

    This time they will not lead you round and back
    To Autumn, one year older, by the well worn track.

    This year, this year, as all these flowers foretell,
    We shall escape the circle and undo the spell.

    Often deceived, yet open once again your heart,
    Quick, quick, quick, quick! – the gates are drawn apart.

  9. Oh I'm sad to read of your parting and can only imagine the hurt you are going through. You never know while you are away he may just work out just what he is missing out on.

    Sending lots of love and wishes of a healing heart for you
    Love Leanne


Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I try to reply to as many as I can either here or by email. <3 LJx