Sunday 27 January 2013

Negotiating the battlefield.

When everything falls apart and you finally start picking yourself up, it comes as quite a shock to see how the landscape you once knew by heart has evolved into something that resembles a war zone.

They're subtle, the changes, uneasy glances and closed expressions; cold shoulders and less contact; remarkable people coming to the foreground and once-remarkable others fading into the ether.

It takes a while to realise what's happening. It takes a while to see it. It may take forever to understand it. But it's their choice to disappear from your life. It's their choice to appear in your life. It's their choice. Theirs. Your choice remains the same. Continue. Continue. Continue.

The battlefield around you is not your concern. The battlefield within is. It's the only one in which you can attempt to control. Your thoughts, your attitude and your sometimes lame attempts to connect with the outside world. Sometimes you will be at the front of the battle line throwing grenades to shake things up and feel alive again. Sometimes you will need radio silence. You'll drop off the grid. You'll find peace or you'll find yourself in an unexpected skirmish. You can either reach out for help, wave a white flag and sink deeper or you can stand your ground.

It may feel like you're invisible. Like you're no longer in the real world. That you're tap-dancing in a minefield of memories, fears and hope waiting for it to all blow up again.

Someone will notice. They'll pull you back onto the grid. They're the people you can trust. There are others who will jump into the bunker with you and just be there. They're the ones who have your back. There are others who will drag you kicking and screaming to the front line and show you the truth of the battle in your head. Hold their hands. They won't let you fall. And there are those who will be there for you without even knowing it. Treasure them, they are rare and precious.


  1. special people those arent they :)
    I LOVE my support network

  2. I love it you are doing so good

  3. Reading this makes me feel like there are other people out there who get it. Even if its a different "it" thanks for getting it and writing xxx


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