I have never really liked Christmas - I always felt badly for those who were alone or had lost someone during the year.
This year, I am very mindful that we lost my Grandpa last year on Christmas Day in SA (Boxing Day - our time). I feel terrible that my mom is going through the first anniversary alone. I sent her special presents so that she would feel like we were there with her but I still feel guilty.
We have our tree all lit up, presents are underneath it. The windows have snowflakes on them even though we're in the middle of Summer. The house smells of pine tree and from tomorrow it will smell of home baking. But still I feel like there is something missing.
That I won't be able to be with my mum for the tenth Christmas in a row.
That I miss Linnie and Shell like it's not even funny.
That I feel slightly lost this week.
It's not feeling much like Christmas...