Yesterday I was sat at a cafe. Alone. Monkey and Stud1 were playing in the pool and I could barely see them through the glass.
This meant that I could people watch. And make
bitchy remarks in my head. (You know you do it too.)
So here are my top 10.
- If you are wearing black and white stripe leggings, don't wear the same striped long sleeve top under a black dress – you look like you are wearing a catsuit.
- If you are a dad alone with the baby, please when putting her back in the frontpack make sure her dress is not bunched above her head at the back. She looks uncomfortable.
- If your child is going to insist on growing one of those rat tail things, be warned that I will have to restrain myself from snipping it off. It looks tragically trashy...
- At a public pool with your under-one baby? Please PLEASE wear a tankini, bikini tops and little grabby hands will lead to slippage.
- When your under 3s are walking in a busy carpark, hold their hands. The three year old should not be in charge of the 18 month old. It's cute but dangerous.
- Please don't let your child cimb up on the car when my child can see. It gives him ideas. I do not want him using the bumper as leverage and waiting on the roof of the car. Why? It damages the car and I drive an SUV, it's quite a drop to the tarmac.
- If your child has a cough, green snot and what looks a lot like a fever rash – please keep them home. Do not share the love. That's just mean and inconsiderate.
- If a customer finds a bristle in the croissant, offer to refund it. Don't just pass the buck to the bakery that supplies the croissant.
- If someone smiles at your kid, smile back. The world is not full of sickos. Regardless of what you may read.
- Don't leave your cute little chubba bubba unattended. They may get stared at, smiled at and be subjected to cutesy baby talk. Just so you know.