|Monkey at 3 months.|
Ok so we have covered judgement and the need to measure ourselves and others against unspoken benchmarks. Let's progress onto some guidelines to make your life a little easier and cut down on Mummy Guilt!
At the beginning of my journey into blogging I wrote a post "My Booklet of Parenting."
I am poaching the content and expanding some of the points.
Becoming confident in your abilities!
- Bugger everyone else, trust your gut – It took me a long time to realise this (especially through the fog of PND) - YOU are the expert on YOUR child. Your gut instincts are what you should follow. Not the well meaning advice in books, from family, from strangers or the web. If you don't feel right doing something, DON'T do it!While doing this is helpful, I discovered something that works really well, but is very hard to do.
If you are struggling to be confident in your mothering style and you have friends who consistently knock your confidence and make you feel like a failure - cut your ties with them. You deserve support and positivity. You do NOT need negativity.
It's hard to cut ties but it helps.Trust me.I have had to do it, otherwise I would have succumbed to the worst during the Twilight Zone period.
- Go with the flow, even when the flow you're going with is upstream. It is hard work to stick to your convictions when you are the only one who holds them dear. I believe that if you are happy with your choice, your baby is happy. Find supportive communities online, find one other mother who is a co-sleeping, attached parenting mum or a structured, note taking mum - trying to word it right as I am not sure how to without sounding like I am bashing that choice :( Once you find your kindred spirit you will feel better about everything!
- Don't cling to your pre-baby ideals... Allow yourself to learn from your baby. Trying to force your will on them will backfire. Like the old saying about square peg, round hole... it's bloody hard work and one or the other will break or crack. I believe that babies are people from the start and their personalities are there from birth... You need to be adaptable, parent the child you have and not the one from the book you read or the one you dreamed of having. If you are feeling challenged by your 3 week old - it's probably a lesson you have needed to learn and this is how the universe has decided to teach it to you!
- Laugh! It's easier said than done some days but it is the best thing to do. Whether it's a dumb sitcom after baby is asleep or while baby is feeding or whether it's a Tickle Monster attack when Monkey is driving me nuts and I'm considering staple-gunning him to the ceiling. LAUGH! Like you mean it! Confidence can be faked. Laughter can't. Be happy, you are a mum. You are loved unconditionally by that little person and you are the most important person in his/her life.
Welcome to the life of a VIP!