There I said it.
It's hard. It's especially hard when you have a child whose security and happiness comes first and friends who have been through hell with you and are particularly protective.
It's hard to trust your instincts about someone.
It's hard to be open and vulnerable with someone new.
It's hard when you feel like you want to spend every day with the new person in your life.
It's hard when you want things to move a little quicker than you're comfortable with after the events that led you to dating again.
It's hard when you have two nights out of every fourteen when you can be the non-mom, fun and single woman who has the time of her life when she's out.
It's hard when you try to juggle things...
It's hard when you don't just go with the flow and enjoy it as it happens...
My solution - to write all the hardness onto paper (screen) and know that it's there. And now I move on.
I accept that it's hard and that it's hard for him too. He knew the mess he was walking into. And he's here. He's happy to be in it. And I am happy to be with someone who sees both sides of me and is ok with both of them. I am lucky that he understands the value of Monkey's happiness and security and that he has put that to the forefront of our relationship.
I'm still scared, excited and happy but I know that I am ok. That I am more than ok. No matter how hard it is, if it's going to work out it will. I'm in it for the hard graft. Because I haven't felt like this in many, many moons... It's wonderful... And I want it to grow, I want us to grow.
PS If you came for advice on how to meet men or date men or anything like that - I'm sorry - I figured it out by accident and somehow I've been dating for a month. When I work out how that happened - I'll write a blog post.