Friday 23 November 2012

11th hour rambling

In eleven hours I will be at the airport with Monkey. Captain Awesome is driving us, so that he can see Monkey off at the airport. I am excited about the trip but also scared.

I'm scared of leaving.
I'm scared of going.
I'm scared that only I can see the difference between leaving and going.
I'm scared I won't be able to cope.
I'm scared I will miss my friends too much.
I'm scared I won't fit in at home.
I'm scared I've changed too much.
I'm scared of all sorts of imagined dangers.


I am leaving. I am going. I will cope. I will miss my friends. I will fit in. I have changed. I am braver and stronger than all of the imagined dangers.

I know these things now. I understand myself a little better today. I look at my gorgeous nails and toes and realise that I must be ok because strangers care enough to want to make me happier. I look at my son and know I am a good mother. I look at myself and realise that I am worth more than the way I have been treated. I have let myself settle for too little. I am brave enough now to strive for more in my life.

I will still stumble and fall, but I am getting better at dusting myself off and asking for help to patch me up.

As I said to Grifball on the beach last night.... We are all too afraid to be honest with ourselves, let alone strangers. I call bullshit on that! I am all for honesty from here onwards.

This is my blog, my words, my thoughts... and I am ok with that....


  1. let me tell you a story
    a friend of mine went to Bali recently she was really scared of going too
    she was travelling alone
    she ended up having a wonderful time
    I pray sincerely that you will too

    safe travels

  2. Love the nails, hope the flight is great and the welcome just what you need xx

  3. Sometimes when we do things that we are worried about or afraid of, it's not long and we're looking back going ... "now...what was I worried about?" and it confirms what strength and character you've developed... it allows you to see that you can do things you really didn't think you could... and that as you move forward, youre still alive and living...instead of just being immobile and stagnating. I have all the faith in the world that you are going to move forward, embrace life and have a GREAT one! ((hugs)) and much love xxx

  4. Your nails look fantastic; I'm glad you accepted this gift from The Sisterhood, because you're just as deserving of a treat as all the other women we've loved on :)
    And I think Neetz has nailed it on the head - everything you've posted recently shows that there is a rising strength and bravery in you that is going to help you through all of this x

  5. LOVE the nails - and glad they are helping make you feel better
    This too shall pass
    We are all here for you - offering comfort with our words

  6. I'm proud of you! Dig deep and try to say yes (even if you don;t feel like it) to as many opportunities that come your way.
    Love Leanne


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