Monday, 7 October 2013

One year better.

A year since I thought my world had ended collapsed. A year since he left. Since the one constant in my life, since I was twelve, left.

A year since I learnt, the hard way, that no matter how hard one tries to make something work, if you are relying on someone else it can fail. A whole year of change, fear, love, desire, joy, anxiety and happiness.

A year since I received the best gift he ever gave me (bar Monkey) - freedom. The freedom to take my time, to see where I am and who I am. I can't thank him enough for being brave enough to end what was killing us. It could have been done with more sensitivity and kindness but I guess a bandaid moment hasn't killed anyone... yet.

I have discovered my strengths. The enduring patience and compassion I am able to maintain under the hardest of situation. The ability to trust in love. The bravery to ask for help when it all seems insurmountable. I have discovered my backbone and the point of no further. I have a firm understanding of what I value and respect in myself and in others.

I have learned to respect single parents especially those who do it alone. I haven't had to do it entirely alone. There has always been someone to lend a hand if I need it. At 3am I know I can call someone to talk me off the ledge.

I'm learning to balance the negative thoughts and painful memories with the positive reality I find myself in now. There is more to me and my life than what was my then.

I have felt and held the enduring salve and joy of great friends close to my heart and the pain of people  disappearing from my life when it gets hard or uncomfortable for them. I understand that it's okay for that to happen and it's best for both of us. They may come back, or I have already learned what I needed to from them...

There are still bridges to cross and burn. There are still lessons to learn and to teach. There are still skeletons to dust off and to wrap up, but I have made it through a year.

I didn't just survive it. I am one year better.


  1. LJ, you are so incredible. I am in awe at your insight and wisdom over the last year. Love to you and Monkey xx

  2. I am so very proud of you my beautiful, strong and very courageous friend. You make the people around you better for having known you. I'm so glad our paths have crossed. There's so much fun ahead!

  3. Many people spend their whole lives in destructive relationships not realising that things can be better. While the ending was obviously a shock to you, the revelations you have discovered in this past year bring hope to those who read this and bring comfort to those who cherish your love and your friendship.

    I can only see things growing better and better for you and I'm so happy you have shared this with us.

  4. What a milestone! How wonderful that you can look at the past year and see how much you have gained and grown. Congratulations!

  5. congratulations on heading so intentionally into the future with such a bold and positive outlook. I applaud. You are doing good. You are doing good xx

  6. You're amazing. Truly. To now be at a point where you can thank him for setting you free...that's huge. The past year has obviously taught you so much xx

  7. Incredible you are! I read this post with a glow of happiness for you and your future and hope the strength, positivity and courage you've already shown continue to shine through with vigour. Love you Cyndi! You are amazing! xxxx


Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I try to reply to as many as I can either here or by email. <3 LJx