Nearly one year old...

My little piece of heaven the blogosphere is nearly one!

I must think of a way to celebrate. I think I might have to have a give-away. But I am far from my favourite coffee brands.  Although we do have friends coming over who could bring me a pack to send to the winner....

I'll put my thinking cap on but while you're waiting for me to get my act together, pull my head out my ass, and get out of my funk, you could read some of my old posts...

The Thirty Days of Truth posts were some of the first confession type posts I wrote and I loved writing them. I would love to find a similar set of questions.

Anyone seen anything like this anywhere? I need inspiration.

Two Hundred Thank Yous!

I've spent the last few days trying to write the perfect post to commemorate my 200th post. I don't really know how to put into words how much I love writing this blog. It's become my second favourite waste of time. Second only to grabbing a cup of coffee with friends or Stud1.

I thought about reminding you about all the amazingly insightful posts I've made, or the poems I've written for Lyrical Sunday, or the amount of my soul I poured out in to the blogosphere for 30 Days of Truth and then I realised something...

What I most want to do to commemorate this journey to two hundred posts, is to say thank you...

Thank you to you, my bloggy friend, you are the reason I keep writing. I write so that you can laugh at me, cry with me, feel sorry for me, feel better about your life, realise you are not the only one, and feel connected to a random stranger with a toddler,  a husband, a "real" life and a caffeine addiction.

Credit

Please take this as my personal thank you note, on pretty paper in perfect calligraphy, saying "Thank you for joining me on this journey to shores unknown! Have a latte on me and here's to the next two hundred posts!"

Yours,

LatteJunkie

30 Days of Truth - Day 24

Dear Monkey,

Unlike in the movies there isn't a backing track playing continuously in your life. There are however, moments that are hard-wired in your memory because of a song that is playing on your i-pod, the radio, a shop's speakers, in a nightclub, bar or from a passing car. It is these songs that will evoke memories, remind you of lessons learnt and surprise you when for an unknown reason you are singing along to a song that you forgot you ever knew.


My first cassette tape (google what that is) was Kylie by Kylie Minogue. If you can find it listen to it. I thought I was so cool doing the Loco-Motion around the lounge with Nanna. Then I fell in love with New Kids on the Block who taught me to hang tough, go step by step and believe that this one is for the children. They also taught me to believe that all bands should be able to play their own instruments, even if they only do it once or twice on an album.

After that it was Indecent Obsession - Indio. What an amazing album. I loved LOVED Whispers in the Dark and Kiss Me. Still know the words twenty years on... So does Daddy - ask him :D

In high school I went through a really bad hip hop/rap stage. An example of this would be Mr Boombastic by Shaggy. Enough said.

In my uni days I was a fan of alternative rock and a bit of metal. Metallica, Live, Nirvana, Offspring, Greenday were on my playlist. I also found solace in Alanis Morrisette, Enya and, all your father's fault, Shampoo... Meredith Brookes - Bitch was also a good one. Savage Garden and Mr Big got a look in too, as did anything off Friends and Dawson's Creek.


Other highlights of those four years included Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex, a weird foray into the delights of a song that we only heard once on a road trip, it was called Marijuana - it made for a fair bit of hilarity on that long ride and The Troggs - I got a bass for my birthday

In the UK I expanded my repertoire to include most of the music by Beethoven, Bach and Rachmaninoff - thanks to Uncle Rocket Scientist's morning piano practises. Sebastian Windsor was another new "taste" - Uncle Living Statue's band. There was also a song entitled "Some girls like it when you hit them..." by Uncle L-S's friend which has stuck in my head for about nine years now. I formed a love affair with Tupac's Ghetto Gospel and Akon (briefly)

In New Zealand I found an appreciation of Fat Freddy's Drop, Brooke Fraser and here are a few others that I love....

I love Rock n Roll - Joan Jet
Pour some sugar on me - Def Leppard
Come as you are - Nirvana
I alone - Live

Lose yourself - eminem

Bring me to life - Evanescence - from Electra

It's like that - Run DMC vs Jason Nevins




Sidebar: Playing musical instruments is a bit of a babe magnet... ask Uncle Rocket Scientist, Uncle Living Statue and Uncle Minister... They all play at least one instrument.


I hope that this playlist will show you an insight into my taste in music (random as it is) and in some way help you to deal with anything that comes your way.




Love always,

Mummy.

PS - really badly written as I lost interest in this post -sorry...

30 Days of Truth - Day 30

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself


It's the last day of my first meme. I loved doing them. It was not only a great prod to actually write something on my blog, but it was quite cathartic albeit rather narcissistic.

For the last time here is my Day of Truth:

anna cervova

Dear LatteJunkie

Firstly well done on getting all the way to Day 30 and for keeping your promise to write at least one post a day.

Right let's get to it then. What I love about you LatteJunkie... I'll go third person as it is slightly less weird and you know we are more likely to compliment a stranger.

I love that you believed in true love, and that you married Stud1. I am so proud of you... who would have thunk it? That twenty years after meeting him you would be sitting here watching him watch a YouTube video? That he would still make you blush like the school girl you were? Hot damn! Well done girl. (FYI - we have to work on your hip ghetto lingo)

I love that you are a great mother to Monkey. I love that you work your ass off to give him a great childhood and to raise him the right way. I love that you got through the Twilight Zone without too many lasting issues. You are well on the way to becoming an awesome mum!

I love your empathy, your caring nature, the fact that you can't watch anything where a kid gets hurt without crying. Your patience and your willingness to talk to anybody is inspiring. You are a good example to Monkey for being tolerant of all people regardless of age, ability and race.

I love that you are dedicating this year to becoming the best mum, wife, friend, sister and daughter you can. Even more than that I love that you want to become as authentic as you can. You are, I know, scared shitless about this transformation but I want you to know that you can do it. You need to do it and it will be "legendary". Anyone who isn't happy with your growth and change is not worth the effort.

I am very proud of how far you have come in the last 32 years. Don't moan - you'll be 32 in a week! Suck it in and live it up!

Before I go and you become slightly saner - a piece of advice:

Don't be afraid and please remember to buy more coffee!

Love you always,

LJ

30 Days of Truth - Day 29

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Haven't we been here before?

I would like to change my internal monologue. I want to be more positive.
About myself.
About others.
About life.

Why? With a positive outlook, everything is possible!

30 Days of Truth - Day 28

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

While I was in uni, I think I would have had a termination. A baby wasn't in my 5 year plan and as such I used contraception and it would have been a true "accident".

After we got married - we waited six years before we felt that we were in the right space to have a child. However had we fallen pregnant, I would have had a minor freak out and then gotten on with life.

Now, I think I would be in freak out mode for a week or so and then I would get onto creating a network of support and trying to cover all eventualities with regards worse case scenarios of post natal depression. I would buy my mom an open ended ticket so that we would have more hands on support.

Monkey and I would spend more time doing the things he loves and I would try to prepare him for the way his life would change... And Stud1 and I would have a baby-moon... and at least one night alone away from Monkey so that he is able to cope with the inevitable hospital stay.

Of course if I were to get someone pregnant I would sell the story to the highest bidder, keep the film rights and be on the cover of People Magazine!

30 Days of Truth - Day 27

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

The best thing, singular? Opportunity.

Sounds cheesy I know, so let me explain.

I have been given the opportunity to be in Monkey's life 24/7 which means I have an integral role in laying down the groundwork for an awesome adult. Or in his words "I am legendary!"

My Ankylosing Spondylitis is mostly under control and I am working on improving that. I do still suffer from the effects of poor sleep due to pain but I am hoping that as I get more active and smaller, things will improve. I am giving myself the opportunity to put myself first.

Stud1 and I have the opportunity to improve our marriage and friendship. Monkey is finally sleeping well enough that we are able to talk coherently after 7pm.

I am as you may have picked up already - a believer in choice. I am choosing to embrace the opportunities life is giving me...

30 Days of Truth - Day 26

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes. Twice.


The first time was in Uni - second year. I was nineteen. I was, in retrospect, suffering from depression. I had a bad placement in a school that was not a good fit for me. This caused major stress and doubt about my chosen career and course.

I also had had contact for the first time from my father's family in twelve years. They initiated the contact, dumped an awful amount of information on me and made allusions to wanting to be part of my life. It opened up an awful number of old wounds and doubts. It also introduced  guilt as if I were betraying my mom but wanting to know more about the other side of my family.

All in all I think I had a bit of a nervous breakdown. The uni was awesome and the psychology lecturer helped me a lot. I was given a new school and LOVED it. They also gave me a week off and helped me get home so that I could go see my GP and be with my family.

I, once again, cut ties with my father's side of the family and I have only recently started communicating with them again.

The Res-Rats rallied by me and my first experience of the twilight zone left me stronger. I got to the stage of wanting the emotional pain to stop, but luckily I was so loved that I didn't feel the need to take any drastic steps. It took a while but I got there.

It's especially important that I thank Stud1 for being there for me back then and that he's still here!

The second time was in the early stages of Post Natal Depression... Here and here are posts I have written about this previously.

30 Days of Truth - Day 25

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

I firmly believe that I am still alive today because I am not done. I have more to accomplish in life and have more to prove. Monkey is another reason... What other reason do I need really?

PS: I know I've skipped Day 24 but it is a really hard one and I may skip it...

30 Days of Truth - Day 23

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life. 


With all due respect to the people I have lived with in my life (Mom, Nyatchi, CvS and Stud1), I wish I had had an opportunity to live on my own. Obviously I had very little choice about living at home and at uni it was a requirement that we shared rooms and, financially, it was best that I flatted with CvS and Stud1 when I graduated.

But I think that living on my own would have encouraged me to figure out who I am as an individual and what I am capable of. A certain amount of resilience and self awareness seems to be exuded by people who have had that kind of experience.

I don't think that I have been terribly stunted living with friends and getting married young. But the kinds of questioning I am doing now, on the blog and in my head, is possibly best done earlier in life when you are independent (not necessarily single). It causes less concern for others and allows you to be more free with your words, actions and metamorphosis.

But as they say - such is life... and I wouldn't be here blogging if I'd already gotten it all figured out! Oh lucky you!

30 Days of Truth - Day 22

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Back in uni days there was a night I would rather have skipped... too much alcohol, stupid delusion of invincibility... I am very lucky it turned out better than it could have... No - I won't go into details...

30 Days of Truth - Day 21

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? 


Assuming of course I am in the same country as her, I would drop everything and get to the hospital, picking up chocolate, flowers and trashy magazines on the way. No fight could ever erase our friendship. EVER!

However if I am not in the same country (as I am now) I would have to find the quickest way to send her flowers and a card saying how stupid I am to have fought with her in the first place.

Of course, ideally, I would have been in the accident with her, fight or no fight!

Love you xxx

30 Days of Truth - Day 20

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.


As the child of an alcoholic, drug abusing father - I should probably be completely against them. However, I am a believer in choice and the innate right to choose your own destiny, education and lifestyle.

If you are educated in the innate problems caused by alcohol and drugs and the associated excesses and addictive nature and choose to consume either then that is your choice. I think that experimentation is part and parcel of growth as a person.

However the problem lies not in the actual alcohol and drugs rather their misuse/abuse. A person's inability to move on from binge drinking, excessive use of drugs. It is the cultural/societal acceptance of the misuse that causes the most damage.

30 Days of Truth - Day 19

Day 19 → What do you think of religion?

I'm not sure if I've mentioned that my dear husband is pretty damn intelligent. Like super-smart! He'll deny it but I've known him since we were 12... He is smart.

We discussed my post on Religion and Parenting and this was his take on it and it really does encapsulate my view as well.

"Religion is a way of convincing people to behave in a certain way by providing an overlay on their own understanding of the world that gives them with borders and guidelines for their behaviour (like a country border overlay on a map of the world) 

Unfortunately some people see these borders as impenetrable rather than a checkpoint - just because I don't like British weather doesn't mean I can't go visit, and in the same way, lying is wrong but some times it is the right thing to do ("Your husband was a good man... "to a widow is much better than "He was such an angry man-tard!"

By relaxing border control you can teach an understanding of good and bad behaviour by instilling empathy rather than fear, uncertainty and doubt that stems from an angry, all powerful, unseen being with a penchant for smiting perceived evil doers! 

So isn't that is the ultimate purpose of religion?

To motivate people to consider others? Empathy?

Religion is hammer for teaching empathy, but there are other tools in the toolbox."

Further to this I would add that religion is largely what you make it. Some people manage to be open-minded and open-hearted whilst still very steadfast in their beliefs. Others condemn anyone and everyone who believe differently - religious fundamentalists and cults being examples thereof.

I believe in being aware of virtues and having a moral baseline. This doesn't require a religion, it requires an understanding of humanity and society.

30 Days of Truth - Day 18

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

At last, a relatively simple one that will court much controversy...

I believe that being gay is not a choice. Therefore I believe that anyone who is in a committed relationship should be allowed to acknowledge the permanence of their love. Regardless of sexual orientation.

I have gay and lesbian friends and they deserve not only the legal recognition of their commitment to their partners, but also social recognition.

And yes before you ask, I do believe in gay adoption :D

30 Days of Truth - Day 17

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Politically Incorrect Parenting by Nigel Latta


This is the review I wrote for it on Mighty Ape.

If you are tired of being told what to do by people who always seem to know better than you, this is the book to read.

It has heaps of common sense advice that makes you think about your parenting style and often highlights what you already knew but got lost in the quagmire of information out there!

It's informative and the advice is easily understood and can be implemented in real life with REAL kids.

Best of all - it is written in a chatty conversational style which further breaks any mental block you may have to reading more advice.

Thoroughly enjoyed reading it and using it!

Where I've been the last few days...

The last few days have been a bit crazy here. I haven't felt much like blogging but Stud1 suggested I post today so that I have an outlet for the crazy (my word, not his!).

So this is where I am.

1. Flowers for the funeral and my mom - check. *
2. Eulogy agonised over and written, rewritten and edited through snotty glasses - check
3. Short attention span - check
4. Short temper with Monkey - check
5. Random outbursts of anger - check
6. Even more random tears - check
7. Flare up of my Ank Spond - check
8. Sickening pangs of regret - check
9. Increasing lack of respect for members of my extended family - check
10. Increased gratitude to commenters here and friends on Facebook for their kind words - check
11. The overwhelming desire to stay in bed and eat my not-insignificant body weight in chocolate - check
12. The desire to virtually shake some sense into people whilst trying to order food for the wake - DOUBLE FRIGGING CHECK. *

 * I ordered some gerberas for my mom. I'm hoping they will be a little bit of sunshine for her. I also got the least depressing funeral arrangement I could find.  I have been trying to order two simple platters of finger food for the morning tea after the funeral service on Thursday. I searched the internet flat (seriously it's not hard to do), phoned four or five places and they either can't deliver or won't accept credit cards over the phone. The stock reply is "Can't you come in and pay for it?" AFTER I've spent five minutes explaining the fact that I am in New Zealand. I can't make the 45 - 60 hour commute there for the family service on Tuesday, but of course I can make it to swipe my stupid credit card in your stupid machine.

At wits end last night I posted an appeal on good old FB for some help and a dear friend will pay for the eats and I'll transfer the funds to her. This is one way I can feel helpful and part of it.


So throw in a bit of normality of parks and shopping for Monkey and you have the last three days. Oh and throw in the worst storm (horizontal rain and 150km wind gusts) we've seen in ages and that's me in a nutshell.

I'll restart the 30 Days of Truth later tonight.

Cx

30 Days of Truth - Day 16

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I could live without the self doubt and the inability to believe in myself, that has plagued me. 

It is what scares me most about next year and my resolution of focussing on 

SMALLER.

How about you? What or who could you live without?

30 Days of Truth - Day 14

Day 14 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

I'm going to do both. Something and Someone...

Something -

Coffee! I have had my periods of abstinence and it sucked. Coffee is my social lubricant of choice. It's my salve for a hard day, it's a way to celebrate, commiserate, relieve stress and boredom, express love, repair broken hearts and live.

Someone - 

Stud1 and, now, Monkey.



How about you?

30 Days of Truth - Day 13

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)


Just one band? ! Oh dear.. I have various go-to bands/artists for various emotional states. Oh well here goes...

Dear Alanis Morrisette, Live, Offspring, GnR and Metallica

Thank you for getting me through the teen angst (I was a bit of a late bloomer) that engulfed me when I turned 18 and moved into Residence 600km away from home.

Thank you for helping me deal with the mornings after the night before's, the break up with N, the turmoil that was in my heart while Stud1 was getting his act together, the break up with Stud1 and the reunion...

The late nights at night clubs, dance parties in the passages of Viljoenhof, road trips. You became the soundtrack to our lives.

Special mention must go to Metallica for not only being a great way to express my feelings but also for ensuring an A in Drama when we used the lyrics as the words for a play about life's greatest fears!

You are still on my list of must listen toos. And you have been joined by a few new comers and some oldies that have new meaning to me.

Here's to another 32 years!

Cyndi

So what artists or songs inspire you?!